Cultivating Gentleness: Faith

I grew up in a Christian home. I went to church every Sunday, was a part of Girls in Action as a child and youth group as a teen. I was a part of the choir and even played the bells at one point. I was active in church. I was a “good” kid, who for the most part, did what she was told—including going to church. I stopped attending church when I went to college. I didn’t stop believing in God, but I had no relationship with *him.

As I became an adult I realized I had understood God in contradictions that I found very confusing: God loves everyone, we should also and we should spread his love to everyone. BUT don’t hang out with so-and-so or such-and-such kind of people because they are bad. Even as a young teen this made no sense to me. I grew up hearing of God’s unconditional love but also received the message that mistakes could result in me being punished by God for all of eternity. Which was he? All accepting or demanding of perfection? I spent a large portion of my life aiming for perfection not only please God but to please everyone around me. This extended into a fear of having a different opinion from others. It often kept me quiet. I didn’t want to cause problems or be viewed as difficult. Behaving this way is exhausting and also dishonest.

The way I view God today is as an all-loving, all-accepting God. He allows me me freedom to be imperfect. I am given room for mistakes. I gain the confidence to work on my weaknesses without needing to do it perfectly or in a certain amount of time. I can genuinely work on being a good person instead of striving to “be good” in order to win the love and approval of others. It makes me more accepting of myself and of other people. It makes life easier. I can relax. I become more gentle and forgiving with myself and others.

I have faith God cares for and loves us regardless of our mistakes and imperfections.

I have faith God cares for and loves us regardless of our mistakes and imperfections. He wants the best for us. And perhaps he’s even like a benevolent mentor—disappointed for us when we make mistakes or behave badly. Not because he expects perfection but because he knows we are better and we are more than our worst mistakes. After all, if God IS LOVE and if we are created in his image, aren’t we also love? Setbacks and mistakes will happen but with patient endurance, growth always comes.

If you have a negative or confusing view of God, I hope over time, you can come to a place of understanding God simply as pure Love. Love that requires nothing from you and allows you to live more gently in the world.

*I use masculine pronouns for ease of writing and speaking because that is comfortable for me. I don’t think God is masculine or feminine but simply the force of Love. He is Love that is patient, kind and serene. He is Love that is not easily angered and does not hold grudges. He is Love that believes the best in everyone (summarized from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

♡,

Kristen